In This Heart of Mine
by QuestionablyInsane
Summary: "We're born with millions of little lights shining in the dark" One by one Regina's go out, leaving little but a broken shell and a darkened heart. Drabble


**In This Heart of Mine**

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AN: A drabble based on the song 'All the Little Lights' by the phenomenally talented Passenger and which kind of just poured out onto the page. I own absolutely nothing but my extreme Regina feels :-(

"_We're born with millions of little lights shining in the dark"_

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Purity and innocence, youth and naivety. What symbolised childhood and what should have lasted much longer than it did. As with any child, her heart was pure and she could do no wrong. But slowly over time through one tragedy after enough, through strict parenting and years of manipulation her heart darkened. _One by one they all go out._

One went out when she realised her mother didn't love her, that she could never do anything right, be enough, to make her proud. She had her father's approval, for sure, but her mother was colder than ice and praise was seldom sought after the first few years. Practice over time helped to keep out the hurt; to strengthen her heart until her mother's harsh words merely swept over her. She promised herself she'd never grow into that person, that kind of mother. And another went out when she realised her relationship with her son was but a poor imitation of her own childhood.

One went out on a cold night in winter, in the stables where Daniel died. Where the illusion of true love and happy endings, which she'd clung onto so tightly since she was a child, finally left her. As his heart drifted into the air, forever remaining as dust to travel through the stars, she'd felt her own heart constrict. To shatter and break until there was nothing else to do except pull up its shields and carry on. Carry on the only way she knew how; by shifting full blame, to initiate revenge in a futile attempt to stop the heartache. It wouldn't bring him back, she'd known that, but perhaps she could find comfort in making those responsible pay for what they'd done. What they'd taken from her. The only piece of happiness in her life and he was gone. Cursing her back to the miserable existence as merely a pawn in an elaborate game. _It's getting dark in this heart of mine._

One went out on a night in a draughty palace, in the chambers she was now imprisoned in as Queen and step-mother. A title she'd never wanted and a role she loathed to play. As she fought back the tears that silently poured down her cheeks, and willed her body to cooperate she felt a piece of herself fall away. She couldn't sleep that night; instead she sat at the window and gazed at the stars. Watched as the darkness faded into weak light and birdsong; as the people below began a new, exciting day, and she began her first day as Queen. Trapped. Like a bird in a cage; a gilded cage, but a cage none the less. Forced into it by the person who was supposed to love her the most; who was supposed to protect her and comfort her. And who had failed from the very first day.

They go out over time, till we're left with nothing when our time is up. For her they go out quicker; leaving nothing but darkness in their wake and a cold person with a broken heart. Leaving her to carry on with a darkened soul and but a handful of lights; a shadow of the person she used to be. That innocent, carefree young girl is long gone; replaced by a husk, a shell of a Queen with desires only to cast a curse so evil it would turn black most parts of her heart. Too blinded by power and by the promise of happiness, that she couldn't quite see that once again she was being used. Nothing more than a manipulated pawn, easy pickings for the evil that had surrounded her.

Eventually they all burn out one day, and with no-one there to love her and to show her the way, she'll fall. For there's no hope for a black heart in the dark; no light shows no dreams and no dreams create an emptiness that can only be filled by loathing and bitterness.

One flickers and weakly remains the moment Henry hugs her tight; his seal of approval evident through his relieved smile. And for a moment, she thinks that perhaps it's not too late. Perhaps she can reignite the lights, bring a sense of long-due happiness back into her life. But then he leaves. And he doesn't invite her for dinner. And another one fades away.


End file.
